The first visit and beyond!

We went to see the gynae for the 1st time when I was 4 1/2 weeks.

The doctor said that it was too early to tell. And asked me whether I did a pregnancy test. Of course-lah if didn't I simply psycho myself that I'm pregnant meh?

I told him yes, I did. And he asked me how many tests did I take, when did I take them, why do I really think I'm pregnant (hello!!) etc. etc. if don't believe me just do a scan-lah haiyor.

And so he did. A transvaginal ultrasound though. And it felt a bit painful and geli because he was swerving the stick here and there to find whatever that he was looking for.

And while he was still swerving the stick, he said he might need to do a blood test to confirm as he couldn't see anything. Just when he said that, he found the sac.

BUTTTTTTTT... he found a retroplacenta clot too. I don't know specifically what it is but the doctor told us not to get our hopes up too high as that clot may affect the placenta from functioning.

So it was basically a 50/50 chance of the pregnancy continuing.

My weeks were ruined after that. I was super down thinking of the worst case scenario (which I always do just so in case if it really does happen, I am prepared for it); reading stories about others with clots; hoping; praying; discussing with friends; weeping to Peter Pan Daddy and kept asking him 'what if?'.

It wasn't helping that I was spotting/bleeding too. Each time I went to the toilet and when I wiped, there would be brown stains on the tissue paper.

Sometimes, it was light red dots and it really freaked me out seriously.

Then fast forward-lah ok because I didn't record the stats down and I really can't remember heee heee heee - I think approximately around 7 or 8 weeks, there was more blood on the tissue paper like period dark type of blood and it took me a few wipes before I could clean myself up.

I totally panicked and already told myself, this is it. It was a Saturday afternoon and our gynae only works half days on Saturdays so we tried calling his handphone but it was switched off.

Then we called the hospital hoping that he would still be there but he wasn't. Bummer.

I felt kind of hopeless but the hospital was super efficient as they asked us whether it was an emergency and yes-lah I would assume it's an emergency right I'm bleeding more than normal?

So they connected us to the doctor straight away and Peter Pan Daddy managed to speak to him. He told us to go in the next day (on a Sunday) although the clinic wasn't open but he'll be there to see us. Super nice of him ok!

The wait was excruciating. I couldn't sleep that whole Saturday or do anything else for that matter as I kept thinking how painful it'd be if 'it' happens.

But finally Sunday came. It was a matter of whether we'd leave the doctor's room happy or sad.

He told us that he doesn't have a magic pill for all this to go away or stop it from happening but all he could do was to do a scan and to see if everything's alright.

And IT WAS! Peter Pan Baby had a heartbeat already and the doctor kind of couldn't see the clot anymore so he assumed that the bleeding was due to the clot passing through.

- Peter Pan Baby at approximately 7-8 weeks -

I prayed so hard for it to be ok. I even prayed with my baptism candle (according to my brother the candle is only used to pray for things that you really need help with) and I guess the Lord has been watching over Peter Pan Baby all this while.

Thank you Jesus for the strength that you have given me so far. I continue to pray that You will watch over us and ensure that Peter Pan Baby and I will have a smooth pregnancy throughout and that Peter Pan Baby will be a healthy and normal (and if possible uber cute) child.

Amen!